Today has sort of been a day that has been ringing around my head for some time. Hard to explain? Easy to explain. 

Based on my age, I’ve now outlived my dad as of today. 

He was 50 and 4 months. Exactly. June 23rd, 1938 to October 23rd, 1988. 

So I’ve now surpassed that. 

I remember after he died, thinking a number of times, “will I live to his age?”  

My conclusion was really always “yes,” but then, when I was 42, everything changed.  I don’t need to go any further regarding that. 

So, really, I could have died when I was 42. Not 50. But 42.

It’s kind of weird to hit this point when hitting 50 like this. Most people wouldn’t even notice, I’m sure. Not the precise day… or even time (yes, I remember the time). 

I still joke with people about my age being 50, and I’ll say, no, it’s 42. That’s how I feel. To be honest, that is how I feel. I don’t feel 50. I don’t know what that feels like. I remember 42.  Physically and mentally, I’m stuck there (Mostly mentally).

So, hell. I’m 50. I’ve officially outlived my dad. But I’m really 42. 

And yes, no matter what, denial actually feels pretty good. 

Chris Garrod 

August 11, 2022