Car Seat Headrest’s “Twin Fantasy” is a sprawling exploration of love and youth. It delves into the struggle to reconcile idealized fantasies with the messiness of reality. I will lay my hands on the table. F**k, yes. I adore it, even if you don’t like their band name (I’ve had feedback, Will, trust me.)

Singer/Songwriter Will Toledo was 19 years old. He was a student at the College of William & Mary in Virginia. He had just broken up, or at least about to, from a relationship.

The core of “Twin Fantasy” is its narrative scope. It chronicles a relationship filled with unfulfilled longing. There’s obsession and anxiety. A lot of anxiety. The work is intensely autobiographical. It reflects Toledo’s own experiences as a young queer individual grappling with the intensity of first love. There’s an immediacy to the album’s confessional lyrics that can be both exhilarating… and uncomfortable, drawing listeners into the raw vulnerability that characterizes many of its most memorable moments.

The opening track, My Boy (Twin Fantasy), sets the stage, introducing a mix of optimism and uncertainty. Lyrics like “My boy, we don’t see each other much” and “It’ll take some time, but somewhere down the line. We won’t be alone.” highlight both the longing and the tentative hope that define the relationship. 

It is such a simple song. It is meant to be that way, perhaps for what comes next.

Beach Life-in-Death is a standout. I could probably write a separate post about it! The song moves through a dizzying array of moods and tempos. It is over 13 minutes long. The song is split into several distinct sections. Each section has its own emotional arc. These arcs reflect the shifting, often chaotic nature of the relationship it describes.

It transitions abruptly between quiet, reflective moments. There are also explosive, cathartic outbursts. The line, “I pretended I was drunk when I came out to my friends…I never came out to my friends,” is one of the most poignant moments on the album. It highlights the themes of identity, shame, and the struggle for acceptance that is central to the narrative. Will is gay and tries to shrug it off as a joke to his friends. But then he follows:

“I am almost completely soulless
I am incapable of being human
I am incapable of being inhuman
I am living uncontrollably.“

But that takes us to Part II, where Toledo unravels:

“Last night I dreamed he was trying to kill you
I woke up and I was trying to kill you
It’s been a year since we first met
I don’t know if we’re boyfriends yet.“

The finale in Part III features the repeated lyrics: “The ocean washed over your grave, The ocean washed open your grave.” These lines convey a sense of mourning. Toledo said in an interview that they were “about being unable to keep your feelings for someone buried, they keep resurfacing long after you thought they were gone.”

By the time the song is finished, you are gasping for air.

I was lucky to see CSH live at the Ram’s Head in Baltimore in February 2019 – happy to see them standing up close. At some point during Beach Life-in-Death, someone yelled behind me, “THIS IS THE SONG THAT MADE ME GAY!!!!!”

Stop Smoking (We Love You) follows as a poignant interlude that highlights a simple, direct plea for intimacy. It repeats, “Stop smoking. We love you.” Then it continues, “We don’t want you to die.” until the end. This captures the romantic idealization and the harsh realities of human fragility. The dual nature of “Twin Fantasy” exists in both its original 2011 and re-recorded versions. This reflects how memories shift and evolve. Toledo has described the album as unfinished in its original form. The 2018 version shows his effort to bring it closer to the idealized version that lived in his head. This idea of returning to the past to make things right is a central theme of the album. It’s about the fantasies we construct about our lives and relationships. It also addresses the painful realization that reality often falls short of those imagined narratives.

Toledo’s stream-of-consciousness delivery perfectly captures his anxious internal dialogue throughout this album. This dialogue is often chaotic. It accompanies unrequited affection and the pressures of early adulthood.

It’s f**king hard.

Sober to Death is one of the album’s most powerful tracks. I was still surprised to find it the album’s most “played” track on Spotify. Perhaps most people don’t have patience for tracks that are over 13 or 16 minutes!

It is a slow ballad that looks at the difficult aspects of love, especially in a long-distance relationship. Lines like “You know that good lives make bad stories. You can text me when punching mattresses gets old” show the challenges of intimacy, blending feelings of tenderness and frustration.

The song’s refrain, “Don’t worry, you and me won’t be alone no more,” is repeated until the end. It is both comforting and eerie. It hints at a relationship marked by both reliance and real connection. The mix of distorted guitars and Toledo’s tired, sincere vocals creates a mood of beauty and sadness. The song shows how love can be both be a safe place and a prison.

Nervous Young Humans is another standout track. It is the poppiest song, in my opinion. It blends introspection with energetic instrumentation. The first part has an infectious rhythm. It includes lines like: “You’ll get what you want, and you’ll get what you deserve.” The second half adds a spoken-word monologue. It delves into themes of identity and perception. The track’s catchy hooks and introspective lyrics create a powerful contrast, making it accessible and emotionally stirring. Can the track feel both anthemic and deeply personal? Does it capture the tension between outward confidence and the inner turmoil that characterizes more of the album?

Hmmm…

The centerpiece of the album is Bodys, a frenetic, jubilant anthem. This song contrasts sharply with some of the more introspective moments.

The line Toledo asks, “Is it the chorus yet? No! It’s just the building of the verse,” adds a playful self-awareness, emphasizing the joy of the present while acknowledging the artifice of the performance. It is breaking through the 4th wall, I suppose.

It’s a celebration of the physicality of love, of the joy of being young and alive. The infectious energy of the track is propelled by a driving bassline and a propulsive beat, with Toledo’s vocals conveying a mix of excitement and apprehension. 

The repeated chorus, “Don’t you realize our bodies could fall apart at any second? I am terrified your body could fall apart at any second,” highlights the precariousness of the moment. It is a song about seizing the present. The future looms uncertainly on the horizon. Toledo’s vocal delivery shifts from a nearly spoken word cadence to a shout. This shift underscores the intensity of the emotions involved. The track’s layered harmonies build a communal, euphoric atmosphere. He shouts, “When we dance (I’m sick of meaning, I just wanna hold you).” It becomes one of the album’s most cathartic moments.

It also remains one of the album’s most memorable.

The song itself feels like a desperate attempt to hold onto the joy and energy of youth. It also acknowledges how fragile and temporary those feelings are.

“Cute Thing” follows. It is another more poppy tune before we head into the rest. It combines raw emotion with an infectious energy. This combination makes it an exhilarating track. The song is a love letter filled with angst and intensity. Its lyrics reflect Toledo’s yearning to be someone greater.

“God, give me Frank Ocean’s voice. And James Brown’s stage presence. I will be your rock, God. When you’re rolling the dice.”

The line “I got so fucking romantic, I apologize” captures the vulnerability of romantic longing. References to Ana Ng pay homage to They Might Be Giants. This connects Toledo’s personal story to the broader tapestry of indie rock influences. The song’s combination of heartfelt lyrics, explosive energy, and memorable hooks make it a standout on “Twin Fantasy”. It embodies the duality of being both self-aware and hopelessly romantic. The song is both hopeful and aching with uncertainty.

We then fall into the album’s fantastic latter third.

Starting with …High to Death, it documents Toledo having a bad weed trip. This is why suddenly, the lyrics switch to: “Keep smoking, I love you, Keep smoking, I love you Keep smoking, I still love you. But I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die (repeat).”

The transition back to Stop Smoking (We Love You) is great, and Toledo’s despair is palpable. The instrumentation is sparse but effective, with echoing guitars and understated drums that create a deeply introspective atmosphere. The intensity and distortion build. An interview features Hojin Stella Jung, a senior at McQueen High School (I have no idea where this is). She talks about her portfolio of paintings. She also discusses doing “The Lady” twice. This is similar to Toledo’s re-recording of “Twin Fantasy” from 2011. She mentions how difficult it was. It is fascinating.

Famous Prophets (Stars) is just over 16 minutes long as the album’s (almost) ending and is so brilliant. First, it starts with: “Apologies to future me’s and you’s. But I can’t help feeling like we’re through.”

Musically, Famous Prophets (Stars) moves from intense, driving rock passages to quieter, more contemplative moments. Orchestral flourishes add a layer of drama. They evoke a sense of tragic beauty. The latter part of the track includes a spoken-word segment. It feels like a sermon. It reflects on the mistakes and misunderstandings that have led to this point. The climactic buildup is cathartic and emotionally draining. The layers of sound grow increasingly dense. They finally resolve into a hauntingly beautiful outro.

The orchestral flourishes in the track’s latter half (bear in mind that it is over 16 minutes long!), adding a sense of grandeur and suggesting a tragic beauty in the relationship’s collapse. It adds a deeply personal, introspective layer. It feels like Toledo is trying to make sense of the wreckage in real time. He revisits the lyric from Beach Life-in-Death repeatedly: “The ocean washed over your grave. The ocean washed open your grave.” The passage of time and the cyclical nature of life and death.

I think it is one of those songs you need to experience personally. You can take what you want from it.

Twin Fantasy (Those Boys) is a powerful closing statement. It revisits the themes of idealized love and also explores the impossibility of truly recapturing the past. Toledo’s vocals are layered and distant. It’s as if he’s singing from the other side of a memory. The song slowly builds to a cathartic, almost orchestral crescendo. Then, it fades into silence.

End.

Initially released in 2011 as a self-produced Bandcamp album, the album found a second life in 2018. Frontman Toledo re-recorded and expanded upon the original tracks. He transformed them into a fully realized indie rock odyssey. The 2018 version demonstrates Toledo’s maturation as an artist. It showcases the growth of his musical skill. It also highlights the consistency of his emotional vision.  Ultimately, “Twin Fantasy” is an album that embraces its contradictions. It’s both hopeful and despairing, grandiose and intimate, polished and rough around the edges. It captures the feeling of being young and in love.

It evokes the longing of wanting something so intensely that it hurts.

It reflects grappling with the gap between the fantasy and the reality. 

The 2018 re-recording doesn’t replace the original. It complements it, offering a different perspective on the same story. This perspective is older and wiser. Yet, it is still just as deeply in love with the possibilities of what could have been.

It remains absolutely fantastic.

10/10

Chris Garrod, November 30, 2024

P.S. I love their f**king band name.